Acting with Integrity
The Power of Integrity: My Journey from People-Pleaser to Authentic Self
The Early Years: People-Pleasing as a Survival Mechanism
Integrity is one of those values we all know we should have, yet putting it into practice is often more challenging than we’d like to admit. For me, the road to living with integrity was a difficult one, deeply intertwined with the fears and insecurities that I developed as a child.
The Struggles of Middle and High School
Growing up, I was the quintessential people pleaser. I wanted to be liked, to fit in, and to avoid the harsh judgment of my peers. This desire wasn’t born out of nowhere—it was a coping mechanism that took root during middle school and persisted through most of high school. During those years, I was relentlessly bullied and made fun of. My looks, my intellect, the effort I put into my schoolwork—everything about me seemed to be a target. It didn’t take long for me to internalize the message that being different was dangerous, and that standing out meant risking further ridicule.
College: A Fresh Start
As a result, I became afraid to be myself. I would hide aspects of who I was and suppress my true thoughts and feelings, all in an effort to blend in and avoid being an outsider. This constant suppression of self led to a lifetime of dealing with anxiety, as I grappled with the fear of being judged or rejected.
It wasn’t until college that I began to break free from these chains. In college, I found a group of friends who appreciated me for who I was. For the first time in a long time, I felt like I could be myself without fear of judgment. It was a fresh start, a chance to redefine who I wanted to be, and it was incredibly liberating.
Prioritize
But life has a way of testing us. After college, I pursued a career in teaching, only to find that the pressure to live up to the expectations of being the “perfect” teacher reignited my anxiety. Moving into a sales position in the medical space didn’t help either; it made me feel even less like myself. The constant pressure to conform to an ideal that wasn’t me was exhausting. However, I made a New Year’s resolution in 2013 to prioritize my own happiness. Shortly after, I met my now-husband, and I firmly believe that my willingness to be true to myself and not settle for anything less led me to him.
Embracing Integrity in My Career
As I continued in my sales career, there came a pivotal moment in 2020. After battling infertility for two years and finally having my daughter, I found myself stagnating in a job where I was told by a superior to “just be complacent.” That moment was a lightning bolt for me. I realized that I could no longer afford to play it safe or suppress my true self. I had to start acting in my own best interest.
Enter my leap into the rhealm of self-improvement, everything I could find—books, podcasts, conferences, blogs, and insights from social media influencers. Immersing myself fully, I was driven by a desire to better understand myself, to grow, and to confidently embrace my uniqueness. This intense passion for self-discovery has been central to who I am since that pivotal conversation at work in 2020. I’m grateful for that negative experience because it led me down a path I might never have discovered otherwise.
The Strength of Being Different
Acting with integrity meant embracing who I was, even if it made me different from everyone else. It meant standing up for my values and realizing that my differences weren’t weaknesses—they were strengths. The very traits that made me an outsider in school, such as my intellect and work ethic, became the qualities that made me highly valued in every place I worked. They led me to a position at a company where I genuinely love the work, the culture, and the support I receive. I now realize that my “different” voice is not just welcome but necessary for the evolution of our department.
Learning from Mistakes and the Ongoing Journey
Of course, I’ve made mistakes along the way, but each mistake has been a learning opportunity. It’s a continuous process of self-discovery, learning to act with integrity, and understanding who I am and what I value. Martha Beck’s teachings on “Acting with Integrity” have been a later-in-life confirmation that the work I’ve done is ongoing but on the right track. They’ve shown me that living with integrity isn’t a one-time decision but a lifelong commitment to being true to oneself.
My Circle
The discovery of Integrity has given me the strength to stand up for myself, to know who my true friends are, and to advocate for my worth in both professional and personal settings. Knowing who I am and living in alignment with that truth has allowed me to find my tribe, those who appreciate me for who I am and not who they want me to be.
In the end, living with integrity has taught me that being different is not something to be feared, but something to be celebrated. It’s a reminder that our differences are what make us unique, valuable, and ultimately, happy. So here’s to embracing who we are, standing up for what we believe in, and living a life that’s true to ourselves.
You’re doing Great,
Samantha
